he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
