btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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