You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
