nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
