I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
