if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do herpes really smell.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
