New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
