I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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