You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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