wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
