Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
