The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
