Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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