I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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