When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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