I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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