i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
