now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
