I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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