I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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