im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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