Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
