Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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