If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
