I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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