once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
