i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
