I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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