its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
