I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
