is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
