I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
