the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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