haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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