She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
