Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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