Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
