Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
