wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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