In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
high people should be assigned attendants
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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