I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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