Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
