you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
