Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
