He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
