I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
