I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
