so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
