sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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