it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
