Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many bounce houses so little time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize