I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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