the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
