You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
