Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
