Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
