Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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