also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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