I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
