oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
