I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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