whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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