Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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