Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
