I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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