Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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