ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
