No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
