Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
