If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
