My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
