Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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