College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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