your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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