So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
