We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
