she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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