he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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