We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
