I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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